When Things Don’t Work Out

I lie on my bed, arm over my face so I can’t watch what is about to happen. The man I love grabs a sizable chunk of my stomach fat and jabs a needle into it. I expect pain, but I feel nothing.

This isn’t the first time he has done this to me. It is the seventh, and thankfully the last, day of pin pricks to my abdomen. The third hormone I’ve had pumped into my body, with one goal in mind. All of this leads up to the next two days where the doctors hope to give us a better chance.  A chance that most of the population starts with.  After 30 months our chances are not what they used to be.

Then comes the waiting. Hopes that this could be it infiltrate my every thought, my dreams, my life. I worry about what I eat, what I do, and the fact that I’m worrying. Too much anxiety will work against me, so I listen to soothing music, meditate, and try to relax.

I can sense it didn’t work before I even know for sure. Confirmation follows with one pink line. The rest of the day is a waste. Still, I read other women’s stories, and start to think there still may be hope. Two days later another pink line, only one, followed by blood that holds no hope. Everyone says they are sorry. I don’t say a word. If I do I won’t be able to stop crying. I would say “thank you” if I could, because it feels like the right thing to say.

Today is better. We have a plan for moving forward. The same plan as before, but we will give it another shot. After that we move onto our last hope, everyone’s last hope. 

Little Dog

Isn't she the cutest thing ever? I really think so.

I love discovering new photography apps for my phone. I recently traded in my old Droid for a brand new shiny HTC Rezound. The picture quality of this phone is 100 times better than the Droid and I am loving it. With a new phone comes more space to download more apps. I will admit that I love the apps. Which makes appSmitten* a perfect website for me. appSmitten will email me new apps everyday, once a week, or I can just browse their featured apps on their website. It is a great place to discover new apps for photography, music, games, and much more. The great thing is that it isn't just for android, there are apps for the iphone and ipad as well, and it's FREE. I love free.

To be completely honest I do have one complaint about the site. I do wish the newsletters could be personalized to my preferences. I would prefer to see only apps I am interested in.  Although, I am looking forward to being surprised by apps I would have never considered, or found, without the help of appSmitten.  I am really loving some of the apps I have discovered. If you would like to give it a try head on over here.

* This is a sponsored post. All opinions are my own. For every person that signs up for the daily or weekly newsletter I will receive $1.

I Blame it on the Hormones*

The tiniest dog I have ever seen is sleeping at my feet right now. She has been here for 5 days now.

She is supposed to be temporary. Our foster dog until she finds a permanent home. Unless, of course, she already found it.

I have never wanted a tiny dog. Dogs that fit in your purse never made sense to me. They can't be considered real dogs, can they? I assumed they were all little yappy nuisances. Well, I think I have fallen in love with a tiny dog.

I had been looking for a dog online on and off for a while now. A scruffy faced dog, like the one I grew up with, was a must have on the list of qualifications for a new dog. I found the perfect fit, her name was Rayne, but the timing was all wrong. When the timing worked out she was gone.

Then this tiny little Shih Tzu fell into our laps. She was found at a park by some friends and had been there for at least 2 or 3 weeks. She was abandoned and left alone to sleep in a bathroom. No one else could take her home, and none of us wanted her sent to the shelter. So, she came home with us. Temporarily, or forever.

We call her Stella.

* And a little bit on Burghbaby and her cute puppy pictures

 

On the Trail

I have about 3 more days of India pictures to go through. I have been putting it off because I think I took more pictures the last 3 days than I did the rest of the trip combined. Stay tuned!

Until then, look at these beautiful horses. They head off tomorrow to pull a wagon about 75 miles from the north, through town, and then into Houston. This week long event is a tradition around here that I hope to be involved in some day. For now I will just take pictures for them.

Floating on the River (India: Day 6)

After our crazy and busy time in Mumbai, we reached my favorite part of the trip, a houseboat tour of the backwaters of Kerala. There is no better way to relax then putting your feet up on the side of a houseboat while you tour the canals crisscrossing the rice fields in southern India. I would highly recommend it to anyone traveling to India.

Details:
We took an early flight from Mumbai to Kochi
From Kochi we drove about 3 hours to the southern part of the Vembanadu Lake
Once the boat launched we enjoyed an enormous lunch of Keralian food
We stopped to buy beer and wine along the way
We reached the lake filled with other houseboats
Crab was bought at a lakeside market
We stopped along the river to view a Hindu temple, meet the locals, enjoy the sunset, and buy some henna
Dinner was had back on the boat where we ate the crabs we picked out earlier
Around 10pm we were sent to bed by our drivers, no talking after hours

India: Days 3-5

Mumbai

We started the night on a raised walkway. The busy slums below us echoed with the usual nightly noises. Cars honk their horns to announce their presence. Pans clash as food is being made for the next day’s street patrons. People are talking loudly as they negotiate everything. A lady stands at the corner, singing a beautiful song, a basket in her hands to collect money.

We run, first class tickets in hand, to the train that will take us to the New Years Eve festivities. Red bars on the train car mark its first class status. Men hang out the doors of the other cars, crammed in as tightly as they can get. A few women sit in the woman's only car. No one is inside the car with the red bars.

We are late. Fireworks start at midnight and we only have fifteen minutes to get there. The train stops, Churchgate Station. Everyone piles off and makes a dash to the main event. We follow the crowd. Everyone is headed to the same place.

“Five minutes!” someone yells. There is no way we are going to make it. The crowd turns down a street with a church lit up with lights of red and green. We are all going to the same place.

Another turn. We dash across busy traffic, oncoming cars honking as we rush out of the way. The countdown begins. “Three, two, one, Happy New Year!” Fireworks sound in the distance. We wish the nightly guard sitting on his step a Happy New Year. He smiles and waves in return.

We are late, but that’s ok. We made fast friends along the way. An arch, lit up to light the way, appears in front of us, the Gateway of India. We made it!

The crowd has quickly turned into a mob and there is no where to go. A hand reaches into a pocket, hoping for money, but finding only receipts. We huddle close as we move forward through the mob. Stopped by police blocking the entrance, an angry mob forms behind us. The police see that there are women in our group and usher us to stand behind them. We are the only women to be seen. A cheer of boo’s echo behind us as the crowd pushes forward.

Standing behind the police we realize we are trapped between the mob and a metal barrier. If that crowd surges forward, where do we go? Flashes of light are shining all around us, but they are not taking pictures of the fireworks, they are taking pictures of us. The only white in a sea of brown, we tend to stand out, especially the three red heads.

The crowd pushes forward and starts to break free of the police. In our heads we are each planning our escape route. At the last second the swarm of people turns, seeing a break in the barrier we had missed. We leave in the other direction, fireworks intermittent in the sky, people still everywhere.

Around the corner and up the crowded street we find a small bar. Cramped with people we find a table hidden in the loft. Our first drinks of the New Year are had amidst songs of cheer. A perfect ending to an unforgettable New Year.

Mumbai Memories
New Year celebration at the Gateway of India
Riding the most heavily traveled railway in the world (3,500 people die on it every year)
Ferry ride to Elephanta Caves
Eating dinner at the Taj hotel
Trying to get into Bollywood with no luck in the bribing department
Spending the day in a mall (which is exactly like the malls we have in the US)
Eating McDonalds and KFC, our first taste of the US in days
Seeing Don 2 in a swanky theater, and later realizing that Shah Rukh Khan is everywhere

India: Day 2

Editing these photos I have come to realize that I need to hand my camera off to other people more often. There are very few pictures of myself in any of these. I swear I actually did go to India.


Our drive from Agra to Jaipur started with some very heavy fog. Oh my god we are all going to die fog. I'm thankful our drivers figured out where the road was and somehow figured out which way they were going. I'm also grateful we didn't hit any of the crazy people walking in the road.

Highlights of the day:
- Riding jeeps to the Amber Fort
- Riding camels, mine was called Johnny
- Jal Mahal (Water Palace): We didn't go inside but it was beautiful to look at
- Watching the locals make rugs by hand and hand stamp table clothes using wooden blocks